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If you recently arrived on the world's most remote landmass in the world's largest watery mass, you might be overwhelmed by the prodigious morass of decisions you're expected to make. All righty then, let's get started:
1. Plastic leis or real? Legally, in Hawaii, it's illegal to hang anything from your rearview mirror, thereby obstructing your vision. Obviously, the percentage of vehicle owners who follow this regulation is mathematically less than the people who ran down Ali'i Drive yesterday in the Underpants Run fully clothed. Nevertheless, it's an important decision for the "living dangerously." Plastic leis, of course, last forever (OK, until the earth falls from orbit and spins into the sun and is evaporated), whereas real leis get rather forlorn in a day or two. The real question is: which scent do you want? Melting plastic or decaying petals? The lei was invented not in Hawaii, of course, but in Tahiti, as a fragrance device, i.e., Polynesian cologne. (Side note: I'm so old I just now actually had to ask Our Lady of the Perpetual Tennis Visor what the word was for "male fragrance.") So there we have it: statistically, plastic leis outsell real leis by 500%. No need to thank me for that wonderful fact, just another public service I'm happy to render.
2. Telescope or no telescope? Obviously, we don't need to go there. So, of course, we will. If you're college-educated and and also a nature lover, it's easy to see both sides of the issue. There's something to be said for preserving the natural beauty of the island, but also something to be said for exploring and understanding the universe. Not interested in receiving death threats from "protestors" camping in the road I'll leave it at that.
3. GMO or no GMO? Again, easy to see both sides of the issue. Anti-GMO terrorists have been running amok on the island destroying farms and livelihoods, with little or no regard for the fact that GMO crops and insects are probably humanity's last hope for avoiding widespread famine and epidemics of diseases such as Zika. On the other hand, little research has been presented regarding potential negatives such as allergic reactions and overgrowth of nonsusceptible organisms.
4. Dump or no dump? As everyone has undoubtedly read, the County's garbage disposal sites (the ones still open) will no longer accept paper, plastic, metal, or glass at any site. The official advice is to put off for one week purchasing any item in a paper, plastic, metal, or glass container and then (exact quote) if you find you can't live without it for one week, don't buy it. Not being an County-employed expert rmuck-a-muck I can't really say what the result will be, but it's not unforeseeable that we'll be seeing the highways, streets, and roads lined with paper, plastic, cans, and broken glass. Good work! Another great idea was for everybody to pile their garbage up in their backyards instead of taking it to the dump. Bring on the disease-carrying mosquitoes, flies, rats, and feral cats! Let the pestilence begin!
5. Eat out or eat in? Kona has some of the best F&B venues in the civilized world, and even some of the uncivilized. Over the years, we have debated this topic numerous times in this forum, and I'm still happy to convey: World's Best Hamburger: Water Buffalo Burger, Victoria Falls Safari Camp. Hawaii's Best Hamburger: Hilton Dolphin Cafe Cheeseburger. World's Best Hawaiian Pizza: Sheraton Heathrow Hawaiian pizza. Hawaii's Best Hawaiian Pizza: The one you make yourself and eat on your lanai. World's Best Fish and Chips: New Zealand (any fish and chips you order in any restaurant). Hawaii's Best Fish and Chips: Honokohau Harbor. World's Best Salmon: Alaska King salmon. Hawaii's Best Salmon: Safeway. So there you have it. No, no, don't bother to thank me. Always happy to help.
Δ Recycling, WILL take glass
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