Things I have discovered during my first two months here.
-- by John Vilburn (KONAWEB Member John V) September, 2004

1. You move into a new house and your harvest from the yard in the first week includes a coconut, a pineapple, a bunch of bananas (Hawaiian apple bananas, smaller and sweeter than the usual banana), and Hawaiian hot peppers (very hot).
2. You take your car in for repairs and when you pick it up, the mechanic's wife gives you the keys and a hug.
3. You think going to bed at 9 pm is late because, hey, it gets dark at 7.
4. You wake up at 6 to the sound of birds (mostly doves)... the birds keep at it until the sun goes down.
5. You are glad to see a lizard on your bedroom ceiling.
6. You see men come to church dressed in a white shirt, tie, and skirt (a Tongan tupenu).
7. When you are running errands after 3 pm, you call ahead to see if the business is still open.
8. You hear someone complain about how cold it is when the temperature drops below 75.
9. You are planting some vegetables and you don't even stop to think about what month it is.
10. You hear the words "pau", "mahalo", "makai", and "mauka" used in everyday conversation.
11. A canoe race is a major sporting event.
12. You hear people using "yeah?" the same way Canadians use "ay?".
13. Other drivers go out of their way to let you merge into traffic.
14. Stores give you a discount for being a local.
15. It takes 5 trips into town and 5 days to get your car registered.
16. It takes 15 minutes (no waiting) to get your driver's license.
17. The clerk at the driver's license office acts like she is truly happy to see you.
18. The clerk at the motor vehicle registration office acts like she is truly happy to see you, even though there is a good size line of people waiting.
19. You can't remember meeting any gruff sales people.
20. You never wear shoes in the house.
21. You only use two pairs of shoes, the old "slippahs" that your wear in the back yard, and the nice pair that you wear everywhere else.
22. Even some businesses expect you to take off your shoes before entering.
23. You know what a "gold dust day gecko" is.
24. The post office asks if you want the stamps with "The Duke" on them, and they aren't referring to John Wayne. (It's Duke Kahanamoku, the father of surfing).
25. You aren't trying to get plumerias to grow, you are trying to keep them from getting too big.

(Or, you might be in Hawaii, Konabob says, "If your neighbors' shrubs look dangerous.")